It feels strange that you affect my life so much, when we’ve never actually met. Heck, we’ve never even lived in the same place up until now. Yet, I have to live with the angst that one day our paths might cross.
So, to try and bridge this gap between us. It only makes sense that I try build some connection to you, in the hope of understanding this weird relationship of a familiar stranger that we seem to have.
Now, while I usually try and build relationships on the basis of small talk and friendly banter, my real agenda in writing you this letter, is to help you realise, why having you in my life, is causing me a fair bit of grief.
For me, my issues aren’t so much that you are extremely pushy, can’t take a hint or rock up to parties when you’re not invited. Although, admittedly, those things are really annoying! It’s that you’re filling the world with the things I think I hate the most. Rather than wallow in my complaints, I thought it better to take a more pragmatic approach, and address you directly. It somehow makes me feel better, to have you understand what a nuisance you’re being, even if I have to engage in anthropomorphic personification to do so.
Given things are most convincing when presented in threes, here are my three complaints (if we could call them that) about what you’ve done to my home, my town, my country, my world. You see, you’ve triggered some circumstances that mimics a rather painful, reoccurring pattern for me, for us all really.
To get to the point, you’ve made three really irritating things happen. They are authoritarian control, violation of trust and medicalised loneliness. Let me explain.
1. Authoritarian Control
No-one likes being told what to do.
And you COVID have bought a lot of being told what to do into our lives! Anyone with overbearing parents, controlling friends, patriarchal boyfriends, matriarchal girlfriends or even just obnoxious bigger siblings, knows all too well what it feels like to be arbitrarily bossed around. It sucks.
It’s a sensitivity that’s a little more reflexive in some of us than others. For some of us poor souls, we’ve spent a lot of our lives being told who we could hang out with, where we needed to be on weekends, what we are allowed to think and say about social issues, what religion we have to believe, what degrees we can study and even who we can marry.
It’s hard enough taking this from our families and the people we love, so when a government (that we have little connection with) starts bossing us around in rather extreme ways; it’s a one-way ticket to some very pissed off individuals.
Now, I totally understand why COVID restrictions are in place and the need for governments to protect their citizens. I’m grateful they are taking measures to protect us. It’s a very complex, and multifaceted issue with no easy fix, but our government becoming the preverbal protective parent, has thrown a lot of us into a relatively understandable, sulk.
Look what you’ve done to us COVID! You made our authorities a kill joy and triggered all our hidden rage about being bossed around. We all just want to be heard and yet it’s hard to find any avenues to give our voices clarity.
You’re making it feel like our only two options are shut up and be complaint or throw our masks off in rebellious protest. This is a very dangerous polarisation COVID. You’re turning us against each other in a power struggle that worries me greatly.
2. Violation of Trust
COVID, hospitals were meant to be safe places for us. When it came to our bodies, they were meant to be something we had full and free consent over.
There are many of us who have put our trust in others and in institutions before and that trust has been violated. For many of us, our communities have violated our trust, our churches have violated our trust, even our families have violated our trust and now, the places we used to go to, when we were most vulnerable, feel like they are violating it to.
Mothers are struggling with the threat of being unable to visit their sick kids in hospital. Children and grandchildren are being refused entry into hospitals to farewell their dying parents and grandparents. Hospitals are becoming clinical places that are refusing connection, refusing support and forcing loneliness. They don’t seem like safe places anymore.
Parents avoid taking their kids to hospitals and doctors for fear of isolation repercussions. Kids are too scared to tell health professionals they are sick, lest they stick a rod up their nose by force.
Isolation is forced. Tests are forced. Everything forced.
Places that force and pin us down against our will trigger immense pain to those who have been forced and pinned down before. Physical violation looks the same to a lot of people, regardless of the reason you are doing it. Not being able to consent is a violation of trust. A lot of people have had a lot of things done to them by force COVID, usually when they were most vulnerable and making hospitals another non-consensual enforcer is taking a place that should be a refuge and making it a perpetrator.
I completely understand why medical professions and hospitals do this. They are trying to help. I don’t doubt that. But look what you’ve made them do! Look at what you’re making them become! To a lot of people, they don’t seem like safe places anymore.
3. Loneliness
There is no greater pain in the world than loneliness COVID. The greatest suffering can be endured when surrounded by love and support but the smallest inconveniences are unbearable when drowning in loneliness.
The only thing worse than being sick and afraid, is being alone in that sickness and fear. You’ve forced us to lock ourselves in our rooms COVID, resorting to slipping meals under the door instead of sharing them over the table emersed in fun family banter. You’ve forced us to lie in beds sick and alone instead of snuggled in the arms of loved ones or being fussed over with foot rubs and constant streams of soup and tea. When we’ve most needed to talk through our fears with the nurture of those we love, we’ve had to settle with talking into the metal blocks that are our phones rather than see the warm faces and comforting words of our loved ones.
It's one thing to bring sickness and fear COVID, but to make us, the most sociable creatures on earth, do it alone, is unforgiveable.
I know none of this will change your mind COVID or stop your path. It never could. But you can’t blame me for trying. Perhaps in trying to communicate my frustrations with you; it makes you seem less ruthless, less calculated and less impersonal. It makes me feel that you are just like us, flawed, hurtful and seeking your own survival at the expense of others. Maybe knowing that makes me feel like there’s hope that you can change, develop, adjust even. And just maybe, you will.
And who knows COVID, maybe we will too. Maybe we’ll think twice before we boss around our younger siblings, maybe we’ll realise that those who breach our trust are doing the best they can in deeply complex and difficult situations and maybe, just maybe, we’ll carry around more empathy for the lonely, determined more than ever to hold them, care for them and be with them when the quarantining you’ve enforced, finally ends.
Who knows, maybe one day in the future COVID, my complaint letter, may just turn into a letter of gratitude – not for you, but for who you made us become.
We shall see.
Yours sincerely
The Reformist Princess
xo
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